Chasin' the ghost of a good thing; Haunting yourself as the real thing is getting away from you

Do you believe in ghosts? Take a few moments to think about that question and remember how concepts in my blogs rarely take on their common meaning.

I do. I chase ghosts all of the time. Granted, I'm not rolling around in the Mystery Machine looking for people wearing masks and yes, I'll admit, one of my nicknames in high school was Shaggy. No, not for that reason.

I think we all chase ghosts whether we believe in them or not. These ghosts can sometimes be seen with the naked eye. Sometimes they're near, sometimes far. These ghosts draw us in, pull us on their baring.

If you still haven't figured out this metaphor, I'll just go ahead and come out with it. These ghosts aren't the restless souls of those who have gone on before us, they're the ghosts of a good thing.

We all chase the ghosts of a good thing. These ghosts can take on many forms. They can be fallen dreams, past relationships, material things or social status. Of course this list isn't all inclusive but I think you get the idea.

I'd venture to say that no one is immune to chasing ghosts. I know that I thought I was and was I wrong. I had been doing nothing but chasing ghosts since I left for Topeka to work for CCS. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have traded that time for anything, and I don't do regret. Still I can't help but think back to the reasons I left Manhattan and the reasons I stayed in Topeka for so long. All of them, just chasing the ghost of a good thing.

Fast-forward to December 2008. Still chasing but something is different. Clarity can be an ugly thing. Mine was hideous. The one thing that I thought I had really set in my life, my work, drove me away from many of the ghosts and put me back in Manhattan. Needless to say, this was a great thing.

Well... at least for the most part.

New town, new ghosts. I'll be honest. I wasn't lead here by a ghost but one of the things that pulled me here quickly became a ghost shortly after. And I'll continue to be honest and say that once that ghost came to be, I chased it for a bit.

Then I had an epiphany, and yes, it was due to a song but I'll cover that at the end. If we keep chasing the ghosts of good things, then the real good things go unnoticed. Another wasted night, another wasted breath. Chasing these ghosts uses us up and once we're used up, we're left stranded.

I'll come clean and tell you exactly what I've been chasing. I've been chasing entrepreneurship. Its no secret that I've been wanting to run my own business for a long time. The more I think about it, the more I think that may be chasing a ghost. I know that I have had several excellent ideas for IT that would more than likely, make that dream come true, however, by the time I'm done with work and working on everyone else's stuff, I'm so burned out that I don't even want to work on my own. So is this a dream or a ghost? I'm not sure, I'll keep asking.

The other is a relationship. Not with anyone in particular. Granted, I have been looking but its not like that. I long to have a deep, completely transparent relationship with someone but it has to go both ways. I know that isn't easy for a lot of people, myself included but every time I get to that point, its gone. I mean, its fleeting. I fear that while I'm chasing the fleeting relationship (the ghost of a good thing) that I may miss the real thing. I have to be careful. Trading a friend for Mary Magdalene does me no good. It doesn't make me a saint, it won't make me a king but I wouldn't have to wait around for the real thing. Yet again, chasing ghosts.

I really think that we should all think about the ghosts we chase and if you're up to it, feel free to post a comment about it. I'll gladly listen.

Title reference: Ghost of a Good Thing

Other references used in this post: Again I Go Unnoticed

If you can get the Mary Magdalene reference, you're awesome.

...There's just one problem; I don't play guitar.

I have been a little bummed out lately. This usually comes from being beaten down in some aspect of my life. Right now, it’s my health. I’ve been sick with this stupid bronchial infection for about a week now and before that it was the rollercoaster temperature changes messing with my allergies.

I wish I could say that the worst thing a sickness does is bum me out but it also takes all of my confidence. It makes me doubt everything, even myself. I’ll admit, it’s been a rather self-loathing couple of weeks. All I have are questions and the real problem is that I haven’t bothered to ask for answers, from anyone, and I mean anyone.

I hope tonight will clear up some things for me. I could use it.

I heard that one of my friends has actually written her first “real” song. I’m of the opinion that there is no such thing as a song that isn’t “real.” I have to admit, I’m eager to hear it. I hope she’ll let me do so. On a personal note, my writer’s block is gone, so I’m considering taking the evening to write some things down or at least type them anyway. We’ll see what comes out. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually get music that will match the subject matter.

That’s always been a real problem for me. I can usually come up great lyrics or chord progressions but I can almost never get the two to match up. My most dismal failure in this area has also been my greatest triumph. When I wrote “Best Friend” it was intended to be an angry song. Being best friends was a bad thing in this context but once I got the music to it, everything changed. The song was happy if not giddy. The tone was completely changed. It was horrible.

Then I realized something that changed how I looked at the song entirely… it was what I really wanted. I had grown past that point. This wasn’t an angry message anymore. It was a positive one of trust, faith and hope.

For the first time ever, I’m taking my guitar to retreat. I’m actually going to take some time out and play. Maybe even take some requests. If you know of something you’d like to hear, let me know ahead of time so I can be sure to grab the music.

And now for something completely different…

Why do we stretch ourselves too thin? Why do we push ourselves to the breaking point and then are left to pick up what few segments survive? I really wish I had the answer for this, not because I’m dealing with it but because several of my friends are. You know who you are and I feel for you, I’ve been there.

I’m actually going to modify my usual birthday weekend activity for the sake of these people. For the first time in a long time, I don’t want to be by myself in a relaxing setting for my birthday. I want those around me who need to relax to come too. That’s why I’m inviting a select few people to get away for a weekend later this month. Here is the literary: Nothing. That’s right we’re planning to do nothing and I think it will be everything we hoped it would be.

I’ll be inviting, in person, soon. In fact, one invite has already gone out.

OK, I think it’s about time to wrap this up. I’m sorry this blog post wasn’t all classy and inspirational like the others have been but I just don’t really feel up to it at the moment. Maybe if you catch me tomorrow or this weekend, I’ll be in a better mood.

Title Reference: Its one of the song’s I’ve written. What really sucks is that I lost the file that had all of the words and music in it. Maybe I’ll get around to rewriting it this weekend.